


Better off Dead

by Itio



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Blood, M/M, Suicide Attempt, mental disoders
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-12-29
Updated: 2012-12-29
Packaged: 2017-11-22 20:14:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 669
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/613847
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Itio/pseuds/Itio
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After years of being identified as who he is not, Prussia finally cracks under the pressure of the demons within him and attempt to get rid of them. Though, his methods involve a kitchen knife.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Better off Dead

Better off Dead

“I should have never taken you in!” Roderich retorted, back turned to the Prussian he was upset with before he ran off. “You dead to me, Gilbert!”

The Prussia stood in the kitchen before dropping to his knees. He really had done bad this time. All eh wanted was a little something kinky. There was no harm in that. Though... The Austrian's anger only fueled the hatred he already had against himself.

The scars he had on his arms were proof of it. They only appeared after the battles he fought, so he lied to his lover's face that they were simply battle scars. Though, that was not a complete lie. He raging a war between the parts of him that wanted him dead and the part of him that was struggling to refuse to die.

Between the crazy demons in his head and his already declining sanity, anything that seemed negative hit him hard. “Just die already, like he wants you to! It will make him happy!” “You have lived long enough already, you shouldn't be alive to start with!” “You are not even a nation any more!” The horrors just screamed on and on.

He felt so alone, so vulnerable. Before he knew it, there was a knife to his arm and blood pooling on the floor. “Leave you damned demons. Get out of my body.” The Prussian whispered, his voice cracking as he held back tears of pain. “Just... leave me be!” He screamed out.

He had never been stable, not since the Nazi concentration camps and the Berlin Wall. With Hitler controlling his brain for the longest time, only to be thrown under the Russian's control, Gilbert did not know who he really was. He had lost his sense of self. The demons did not want him to live happily, they wanted him to suffer by the hands of the Nazis or by the Medieval torture the Russian threw at him. 

Though, the only threat that sill exists is himself. He stared at the bright red blood staining his blue military dress pants. He chuckled, not even knowing he was still cutting into his skin, crying tears of pain and joy while the voices of the demons inside his head began to disappear.

Though, one voice sustained. “Gilbert! Stop it this instant Gilbert! You are going to kill yourself! Lieb, Stop!” He couldn't see the source of the voice or feel the shaking of his limbs. He was numb from the outside world. “Gilbert!”

It was another demon. It had to be. He cut deeper into his arm, blood gushing from the wound with every heart beat, though he couldn't see it. He laughed and laughed. The pain was dulling the voice! More, more!

Suddenly, he brought the blood stained knife to his chest and began to cut at the blue dress coat and black shirt underneath, breaking skin in an instant. He shivered, shook, screamed out, but he never knew. He was deaf, hearing only the voices that told him to stop, to continue, that everything will be better when he finished. There was resistance and he cried as he forced his hand away and dug only deeper into the wound. What was stopping him now? Surely he didn't have Angels. “Get out of me already!” He screamed as the voices began to dull, even the one that kept screaming his name.

“Gilbert! Gilbert stop this madness right now! Stop it and drop the knife already! Gilbert! Ich liebe dich, I'm sorry. Don't kill yourself!”

Funny voice. He was just expelling demons, not killing himself. The pain was part of it. All part of it. It was all..........

“Verdammt! Gott, What happened!?” Gilbert winced in pain, looking around and seeing he was in his room, a sleeping Roderich beside him, he turned, winced again, and looked to his lover. “Lieb...?”

“Gilbert? You're alive!” The Austrian clung to him and cried. “I thought I lost you. Never do that again! Du Depp!”

**Author's Note:**

> "Ich liebe dich" means I love you  
> "Lieb" Means 'dear/love'  
> "Depp" Means bone head/idiot


End file.
